The Root of Fear

Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional dangers that has deep evolutionary roots in the human experience. It’s adaptive because it protects us. Think back on our ancient ancestors and their nomadic cave-dwelling existence…Who stayed alive? People who didn’t get bitten by poisonous snakes, fall off of cliffs, drown in high waters, or engage in other dangerous activities!

Modern Day Fears

In today’s modern world, the fears we face most frequently don’t involve immediate dangers like hungry predators, but although the stakes are much lower, our brain still treats our fear as lethal.

Fear in the workplace today is more concerned with image and the effect of other people’s judgment on our feelings of self-worth, than tigers. Still, it evokes the same high-stress fight-or-flight reactions that our ancestors experienced tens of thousands of years ago.

F.E.A.R. (False Expectations Appearing Real) 

If you took a poll of your co-workers right now, none of them would list “getting eaten by a tiger” as one of their top fears and anxieties, but they might list: looking stupid in front of my boss, failing at a new job, letting down my family or co-workers, being a social outcast, or making a bad impression on an important client. The problem begins when we let these types of silly illogical fears hold us back from reaching our full potential.

At Team Sylvester, time after time we hear clients say things like, “My real dream is to do (fill in blank here) but I’m scared that I’ll fail.” Or, “I thought about saying something in that meeting, but I was afraid it would sound dumb.” 

So how can you overcome the fears and self-doubt that hold you back in the workplace? We suggest using a popular acronym that’s been around for years (but is worth committing to memory): FEAR is simply False Expectations Appearing Real.

When you limit yourself out of fear, you are allowing the false expectations that you’ve built up in your head to appear real enough to your brain that you modify your behavior in order to avoid the risk. You may find yourself avoiding a potentially positive risk because you’re too afraid or holding back in social situations out of anxiety. When you allow fear to be in control, it limits the breadth and scope of your potential and opportunities.

Executive Coaching for Growth

For fifteen years Team Sylvester has been helping executive coaching clients break free of their FEARs, add new tools to their toolbox, and reach their biggest, hairiest, and most audacious goals. Click here to learn more about our coaching and leadership development programs.  

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/200805/are-we-born-be-afraid

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/fear

Never heard of it?  

We have, we use it and our clients thrive with it. 

Agile was born in the 1970s to manage and produce better software faster.  The methodology is based on adjusting planning with feedback from completed work to create the next stage of development.  The cycle renews until the full scope of work is accomplished. 

Today’s Agile is woven into our coaching because it’s adaptive learning.  We know what goals need to be completed because we’ve determined them together with a client.  We plan, live and adjust to a path for completion because we’re giving and responding to feedback from progress. Accomplishment is a better team, individual and business for undertaking the work. 

The Challenge

Fast paced and ever-changing describe today’s business climate.  A business thrives with timely reactions from its people. Untimely? People are faced with communication gaps, conflict, teamwork challenges and more.  Allowed to continue? A range of unplanned outcomes can snowball to reduced employee motivation, customer dissatisfaction, market perception and financial loss.  Unchecked these outcomes make room for the competitor and impact the health of the business.   

The Opportunity

We provide Agile coaching as an active learning solution. Feedback from the agilely coached is: there’s only upside, no downside to the method. Agile coaching means working on the real daily job while learning more about how to be better at it, bring out the best in a co-worker and make that next hurdle by working smarter, not harder. Adaptive planning and feedback to reach the end goal is a win-win because employees are refreshed with new knowledge.  As a result employees have a deeper bond with their work and increase their engagement. 

Many “aha moments” happen along the path because agile coaching is responsive, engaging and accountable to the goal.  We call aha moments BFOs or Blinding Flashes of the Obvious and get people understanding BFO’s and having fun with them from Day 1. BFOs happen when the answer to a long-standing obstacle suddenly becomes perfectly clear based on what has just been learned.  A BFO feels great because it’s immediate reinforcement! Together, we’re practicing and mastering: testing and measuring within the safe, proven Agile coaching environment. 

A Differentiator

The value of Agile coaching is a multiplier for the present and into the future.  Invaluable to business because the learning is a bit of structure with customization for the situation. Simple yet powerful because everyone is empowered to achieve success with Agile coaching and knows how to repeat the cycle.   

Takeaways from Agile coaching include new opportunities for self-awareness and engaging with peers, managers and clients.  Next level success happens with these takeaways to generate growth, cultivate change and thrive with people who are the greatest resource in business.    

An experienced Agile coach ensures focus on outcomes, provides a safe and trusting environment for expression and serves as a sounding board.  Our secret sauce amps up Agile coaching and empowers those coached. Want to learn more? Reach out to us for additional information

Relying on each other’s strengths and differences is successful for teams.  Written as a fable, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, by Patrick Lencioni, outlines the five behaviors that are essential to a healthy, well-functioning team: building trust, mastering conflict, achieving commitment, embracing accountability, and focusing on results.  Preview our innovative team building.

Team Sylvester, is one of a limited number of Authorized Partners providing The Five Behaviors of a Cohesive Team . The Five Behaviors produces high impact volume within all levels of organizations.

Homogeneous teams may perform better due to similarities in experience and thought, while heterogeneous teams may perform better due to diversity and greater ability to take on multiple roles. (1) 

Most teams contain a blend of technical, operational, negotiation, and creative skill sets.   The requirement to be cross-functional with finance, technology, marketing, operations, and other perspectives seems to stack the team for outcomes. The challenge is to get timely synergy to ensure results.

(1)  Mello, Antonio S., and Martin E. Ruckes. “Team Composition*.” The Journal of Business 79.3 (2006): 1019-1039.

Good leadership drives engagement and motivates employees, which improves performance and increases organizational productivity. But while more companies are incorporating leadership development training for their employees, these seven statistics suggest more needs to be done.

• 77% of organizations report they’re experiencing a leadership gap.
• 10,000 baby boomers are retiring every single day.
• 67% of millennials are looking for a new job.
• Of those who plan to stay, 91% plan to stay in their current job for fewer than 3 years.
• 63% of Millennials say their leadership skills are not being fully developed.
• 83% of businesses say it’s important to develop leaders at all levels.
• Only 5% of businesses have implemented leadership development at all levels.

Let’s break this down for a moment:

77% of organizations report they are experiencing a leadership gap, and while that number is staggering, it’s hardly surprising with 10,000 Baby Boomers retiring every single day. Unfortunately, millennials may not be clamoring to take over their spots – 67% of millennials are looking for a new job. Of those who aren’t looking, only 9% plan on staying at their current job for more than three years.

Perhaps part of the reason millennials feel restless in their current positions has to do with a lack of leadership development. More than six out of every ten millennials say their leadership skills aren’t being fully developed by their employers, which is surprising given that 83% of businesses say it’s important to develop leaders at all levels. In this case, the culprit seems to be a lack of action on behalf of organizations – only 5% of businesses say they have implemented leadership development training at all levels.

If your organization doesn’t have a comprehensive leadership development program for all employees, what are you waiting for? Boomers are retiring by the tens of thousands every day, and your company’s ability to stay competitive, attract top talent, and increase productivity is on the line. Investing in training leaders can have incredible results, with some companies reporting 114% higher sales, 70% lower turnover, and 71% higher customer satisfaction.

To address the leadership gap and prepare for the future, organizations must invest in comprehensive leadership development and training programs. Learn more about the leadership solutions offered by Team Sylvester and follow our blog to stay up-to-date with the latest posts.

Sources:
http://www.bloomleaders.com/blog/2018/10/9/interesting-statistics-about-effective-leadership
https://blog.inspiresoftware.com/7-statistics-leadership-development
https://www.td.org/insights/the-business-case-for-leadership-development-and-learning

It’s the rare self-aware person that determines a legacy early on, sets goals and hits milestones until their legacy is in place.  For most, it takes time to be informed by a journey and experimenting through trial and error to determine a legacy.   

My legacy is In Abundance. 

In Abundance, to me, represents abundance in family, friends, relationships, health, spirit, possibilities, and wealth.  By embracing In Abundance, I’m open to all types of broad and deep experiences, continuing to grow, achieve and make a difference; enjoying the journey and not considering it a race. 

Whether altruistic or achievement driven, leaving a legacy requires work, requires discipline, requires change.   My legacy, In Abundance, came from my own transformation. After surviving a series of life-changing events, I resigned my position as CIO from KAR, bought a coaching franchise, and becoming certified as an International Business Coach.  I started signing “In Abundance” on 99 percent of the emails I write.  The words are a reminder of the demanding journey survived, endless possibilities ahead, and a wish that everyone experiences In Abundance.

What’s your legacy?

It’s about the journey.  I invite you to share your legacy and its journey with me, through comment or private email. 

In Abundance,

Paul

In my last few posts, I’ve spoken quite a bit about behavior—identifying it, understanding it, changing it. I’ve alluded to the Everything DiSC® Behavioral Assessment* a number of times and have made no secret of my preference for it and use of it with my leadership and behavior coaching clients. But there are other tools out there, and I thought you might appreciate learning more about why I choose DiSC.

The Others

The other “big name” in the behavioral assessment market is the Myers Briggs Personality Test (MBTI® Step I). This tool, developed by Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs Myers based on the typological theories proposed by Carl Gustav Jung, gauges your mental processes and orientation and categorizes you into one of 16 personality types. (There’s plenty of information online about the MBTI, if you’d like to learn more about what it is and how it works.)

Who You Are (personality) vs How You Interact (behaviors)

I don’t question the validity of the Myers Briggs tool, but for the purpose of understanding one‘s behavior in order to change it for greater satisfaction, I choose DiSC. The MBTI is designed to identify who you are—what you are instinctually driven to do. The MBTI is used by a lot of employers to determine if a candidate is a good “fit” for their organization. DiSC, on the other hand, categorizes and defines your behavioral style and then goes one step further: it gives you tips and strategies for creating more positive interactions and relationships. Yes, you can change!

Benefits and Opportunities

And there are other reasons I prefer DiSC over MBTI. DiSC is easier to use and interpret, it takes less time to take, and the results are intuitive. Another significant advantage of DiSC is the unlimited access to comparison reports you are granted once you’ve taken the test. You can compare your results with anyone who has taken the assessment anonymously, or within your organization to use as a tool to best benefit communication between two individuals. And you can take the test again and compare your own results to see how you’ve changed, perhaps after personal coaching.

There are several versions of DiSC available, each customized to give you the most insight into your current behavior and how it impacts your ability to be successful in different roles, such as sales or leadership.

Popular Everything DiSC® Profiles:
– DiSC Classic 2.0
– Everything DiSC Workplace
– Everything DiSC Work of Leaders
– Everything DiSC 363 for Leaders
– Everything DiSC Management
– Everything DiSC Sales

All the DiSC Profiles are powerful and easy to use, but to really get the most out of the tools I recommend working with a behavioral coach to help you develop strategies for developing more positive interactions and to hold you accountable to make the changes. I utilize DiSC in my work with individuals, teams and organizations, and I also incorporate other extremely valuable concepts/models in my coaching, such as The Five Behaviors of a Cohesive TeamTM by Patrick Lencioni, Personal Listening Skills and Time Mastery. This approach has proven profoundly successful for me and for my clients.

*Everything DiSC® is a Wiley Brand.

In response to the second concern (I’ll address the first concern another time), I decided to dedicate this post to all those horrible bosses out there who give new meaning to the word “jerk.” In my coaching business, I hear some pretty colorful stories of bad behavior, and I’ve compiled a list of some of my favorites to share with you. You might find reading about other people’s horrible bosses entertaining or even cathartic (“You mean I’m not the only one!”). In the end, I hope, at the very least, it shows you what NOT to do.

Horrible Boss Moments

(Names changed to protect the not so innocent.)

The One Upper boss.

Jack takes personal credit for others’ successes.  When a vendor, partner or Board member compliments someone publicly on a job well done, Jack will comment that he was pleased to suggest the idea and knew it would be successful.  Jack does not give the credit and authentic appreciation to his direct report for the success either publicly or privately. Many times Jack goes on to say that while the job resulted in success, next time he will produce even more.

How am I doing?

The boss at Going Nowhere Company repeatedly delays performance reviews to the point that the next review is due before the last is completed.

So why have an agenda?

All direct reports at ABC Company are required to request meetings through the central calendar system and provide a brief agenda at the time of the meeting request in order for the meeting to be accepted by Dick, the boss.  When Dick is in the scheduled meeting, he disregards the agenda and also uses the time to fill attendees in on his weekend, latest hobby, or do stand-up comedy from old TV re-runs.  Although Dick might intend for his conversation to be an ice breaker to put the group at ease, he rarely asks others about their personal interests, doesn’t keep the chat brief and ends up disregarding the purpose of the meeting.  Direct reports leave with most questions unanswered and no feedback on the business issues at hand.

No harassment issues here!

Karen interviewed a girl for a customer service position…she was extremely professional, intelligent, and conversational—perfect interview! The boss, however, noticed the girl had bad acne and told Karen to focus on hiring prettier girls, because that’s what the office really needed to attract male customers.

Maternity Leave isn’t a crutch….

When Mary told her boss she was pregnant, he chuckled and said, “Well, I guess you’re expecting to take some time off after the baby gets here? What should we be prepared for here? 2, maybe 3, weeks? I mean this can’t get out of control because then everyone else will want to do the same thing. I expect you to continue on as normal. There will be no special treatment just because you’re pregnant. And you don’t get to fall back on this like a crutch.”

Snow Days are only for the lazy!

During a state of emergency last winter (police were literally pulling people over and giving them tickets for driving on the roads), the boss at Rain or Shine Company wanted to know what excuse people had for not coming in to work. The boss volunteered one of the employees who owned a jeep to pick people up.  This person blew his transmission trying to get through the snow and the employer did not pay for the repair.  When the emergency lasted another day, the boss went to others houses to pick them up and bring them to work. The problem was he has macular degeneration and no license and should not have been driving himself, let alone his employees.

Bi-polar Boss…

Ash does not prepare for meetings or stay current with company projects and updates. She asks for staff to generate reports, send multiple copies to her, an executive assistant and a senior executive as well  archive them on a shared drive. Ash wants multiple emails sent as reminders in advance of the meeting, re-attaching the agenda.  A written recap is company protocol for all meetings with next steps captured and circulated to her and all participants.  Ash chastises staff with derogatory email—capitalizing many words and phrases—insisting that staff aren’t doing their jobs or communicating.  It’s clear from Ash’s comments that she didn’t read and digest the well-documented (some might say OVER-documented) work that provides all the information she repeatedly insists is missing. If staff reviews the answers from the documentation in an attempt to help Ash get current, she insists she has too much volume to read everything and must have had an email issue in receiving the information.

Who’s having fun in this team environment?!

The boss at XYZ Company insists on an open-concept office space including a very high-tech cubicle for himself that looks like some kind of space capsule (and costs about as much as the Space Shuttle!) but offers very little in terms of sound control. His conversations are often animated and usually involve colorful language. In an attempt to implement some form of privacy buffer for his conversations, the boss purchases a sound machine. Unfortunately, this only causes the boss to shout even louder and now the rest of the office must endure the cursing rants set to the sounds of waves crashing.

I’m never wrong, and now out of business.

The office environment at Three Partners Company has been deteriorating for several years due to the inability of the three bosses to agree on a strategic direction (or even be in the same room together). In an effort to listen to their disgruntled employees, the bosses agree (well, two of them agree) to hire a third-party to conduct an in-depth employee satisfaction survey. Upon completion of the survey, the bosses digest the bad news and proceed to do absolutely nothing except blame one another for the problems. The company ultimately disbands. The end.

Being the boss means holding only your subordinates accountable.

The leadership team at Who’s In Charge Company are required to attend a sexual harassment program as a result of one of the bosses’ inappropriate comments to a client’s wife. A few minutes into the session, one of the bosses—the one clearly nursing a nasty hangover from the playoff game he’d attended the night before—excuses himself to use the restroom. Unfortunately (for all), the restroom is located in the adjoining space and the walls are very thin. The session leader continues but must shout over the sounds of violent vomiting for the next ten minutes.

Hopefully, you don’t recognize yourself in any of these situations. Sadly, they all really happened. The good news is that the “victims” from these stories have all moved on to happier employment. They also developed some excellent coping mechanisms for the bad behavior along the way (bright side?).

Now it’s your turn. Have a horrible boss story you’d like to share? Post a comment! Just remember to change the names.

#1 – A Coach Holds You Accountable

The first and most important reason to have a behavioral coach is accountability. I hold my clients accountable for doing the work that they know they need to do to affect change in their lives. It’s what they appreciate (and hate) most about working with me. Think of weight loss. The concept of losing weight is fairly simple: eat right, eat less, exercise more. So, why do so many people struggle with it? Because it takes discipline! Those who succeed are either really disciplined or are paying someone or some company (e.g., Weight Watchers) to hold them accountable for eating less, eating right and exercising. It’s always more effective to engage someone else to make sure we do what we say we need to do.

#2 – A Coach Is a Behavior Expert

The second reason you need a coach is expertise. I have been coaching individuals and teams since 2004; and before that I was an overstressed and ineffective executive-level leader, who was forced (something had to change) to go through a personal behavior transformation. I can talk the talk because I walked the walk. I’ve even got the battle scar down my sternum to prove it! And I can assure you, I wouldn’t have wanted an inexperienced heart surgeon opening my chest. Experience develops credible expertise and expertise will get you to the next level faster than you can on your own.

#3 – A Coach Keeps It Real

The third reason you need a coach is for outside perspective. Understanding one’s behavior can often be an eye opening and sometimes disconcerting process. You have to be honest with yourself, which can be difficult. And most people see themselves differently than others do. A coach is an unbiased, third party who’s job it is to “keep it real.”

#4 – A Coach Makes It Personal

The last reason you need a coach is personalization. There’s nothing like one-on-one coaching to get you where you need to be as quickly as possible. Any professional athlete, musician, or high-level executive more than likely employed a personal coach or mentor at some point in their career. In the one-on-one relationship, your exercises can be customized to get the absolute best result in the shortest timeframe. I’ll use the weight loss example again. You can take 100 spin classes and probably lose some pounds, build some leg muscle… or you can hire a personal trainer. The trainer is going to design a series of exercises tailored to your specific goals, and he or she will probably also ask about what you are eating and advise against that cheeseburger.

I Believe In My Work

I love what I do. Coaching people to understand why they behave the way they do and how to make measurable a life change without a life altering experience (hello, heart surgery!) is hugely satisfying for me and, based on the positive feedback, equally valuable to my clients.

So, what do you do about it? If you are dealing with a jerk, you’re going to have very little influence over his or her behavior. The only behavior you have control over is your own. Your only option is to remove the jerk from your circle of influence. If you are in a relationship with a jerk, break it off. If you are working for a real jerk, quit. If the jerk is a family member, eliminate your interaction. I know, you are probably thinking, “It’s not that easy.” You are right. Situations like this are rarely cut and dry.

When is enough, enough?

In my coaching sessions, I’ve heard a number of horror stories regarding jerks (usually a boss or someone in a position of power). The conversation often leads to the question, “When is enough, enough?” The answer is: the moment you ask that question. I’ve heard things like, “But I can’t just quit! I need the job,” and “But we’ve been together for years!” These are excuses we give ourselves for being afraid of change. Again, I return to the fact that you cannot change the jerk’s behavior; you can only change your own. The jerk’s behavior has tremendous negative impact on you, so how can change be any worse than what you’re already dealing with?

Real Jerks Are Rare, but Acts of Incivility Are Not

The good news is there are relatively few real, chronic jerks out there. The bad news is run-of-the-mill “jerkiness” is rampant.  In the home, at school, at work and throughout cyberspace, people are terribly uncivil, and it can have a profound impact on you. In addition to affecting your productivity and general satisfaction, the bad behavior will likely cause you to retaliate against the offender (94% of us do). Uh oh, now you are being a jerk!  You can read more about this statistic and other impacts of incivility in my white paper based on the book, The Cost of Bad Behavior, by Christine Pearson and Christine Porath. The paper also outlines a number of ways to combat the behavior in the workplace.

Download The Cost of Bad Behavior White Paper

To sum up, if you are dealing with a real jerk, stop! Remove the jerk from your circle of influence, now. If you’re dealing with some “jerk-ish” behavior (a.k.a. incivility), there might be a few things you can do to improve the situation and you can read about it here.

On the other end of the spectrum are those who manage to partner with someone who closely matches their personality. In these relationships, partners get along amiably without a lot of effort. Each knows what the other likes and dislikes, how best to communicate and interact, because it’s what they like, too. You might say they speak the same “language of love.” In psychology, this ability is referred to as unconscious competency—the individual has had so much practice with a certain skill that it has become second nature. He or she can even perform the skill while doing other things.

Our “opposites” couple has to work a lot harder. Each person must learn his or her partner’s behavioral profile—their preferred way of communicating, interacting and resolving conflict—because these preferences are different from their own. Each has to think through the interaction and strive to behave in ways to which their partner will respond positively. The psychology term for this is conscious competency—they understand how to get along but have to work at it.

Conscious and Unconscious Competency

The popular television show “The Big Bang Theory” provides us with two couples that perfectly demonstrate the difference between conscious competent and unconscious competent. Characters Leonard, the geeky, introverted scientist, and Penny, the beautiful, somewhat intellectually challenged extrovert, are a classic example of opposites attracting. They understand their differences and are invested in finding ways to improve their compatibility.

Characters Sheldon and Amy, both classic “C’s,” demonstrate the perfectly compatible, unconscious competent couple. They can practically finish each other’s sentences.   (Note: I’ve referenced characters from The Big Bang Theory in earlier posts, too. Unlike real people who typically display a blend of behavioral profiles, television characters offer pure illustrations of behaviors making it easier—and funnier—to understand what I’m referring to.)

Of course, these are only two of the four levels of competency. There’s also unconscious incompetency and conscious incompetency, and unfortunately these categories are where most unsuccessful relationships fall. In the first case, one partner, or both, does not understand how to get along or does not recognize the problem. In the latter, the partner, or partners, understands but just doesn’t care enough to want to do anything about it. Conscious uncoupling is likely in their future!

Assuming you and your partner have a desire to understand one another for the betterment of your relationship, here are some tips for how best to interact with some of the more common behavior profiles.

Communicating with Different Profiles

When dealing with a classic “D“, you should use a direct, to-the-point style of communicating, provided choices for activities and let them take the lead. Avoid right-wrong debates, because a “D” will often be aggressive to win.

Conversely, Influencers (the classic “I“) tend to avoid direct, open conflict. You should recognize their discomfort with conflict and allow time for them to verbalize their thoughts and feelings. Provide enthusiastic, verbal recognition and avoid criticism of them as a person.

The steady “S” also avoids conflict. Draw out uncomfortable issues by asking open-ended questions (how, what, where, when) and state the need to resolve conflict to maintain harmony in the relationship. An “S” likes to be helpful to others, enjoys informal discussions and opportunities to cooperate.

The conscientious “C” is an objective thinker, a practitioner and often a perfectionist. Provide opportunities for them to demonstrate their expertise and use logical, matter-of-fact statements rather than emotional expressions. Accept their need to be “right” and their discomfort with mistakes. A “C” will often want to think through a situation before responding.

Hopefully, these suggestions will help you better understand your partner. For additional information on increasing compatibility, I recommend picking up two copies (one for you and one for your partner) of the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It offers some great advice on how to build relationships that last. It might just be the perfect gift for Valentine’s Day!